Resistance is Subtle.
I’ve gone and called myself out. Again.
It struck me that I’ve unwittingly been in the throes of resistance, but in a much subtler form than usual (normally it rears its ugly head in a more startling, and therefore obvious, fashion):
Yesterday, like many, we completed day one of ‘homeschooling’ (with a 2yo in tow as well it is more like cattle wrangling than any recognisable form of actual education). Throughout the day I felt a sense of calm and peace I’ve not known in ages, in spite of everything that is going on in the world.
It got to the end of the day before I realised that – OF COURSE – it’s because by becoming a teacher overnight, it gave me permission to not have to face my demons daily in the form of turning up at the page. Homeschooling and looking after the children of course takes up 95% of the day (and can be deemed ‘much more important’ than my work), and so, I made the decision to drop the work. By gum is the house in a much better state when I’m not trying to juggle everything! But by the time my husband took over at 6pm, I was shattered, and hardly in the mood to do any painting.
But I then flopped around, ate dinner and generally wasted time when really…that was the time to paint. The house was calm, it was perfect peace and quiet, I wasn’t pressured and my work wouldn’t be interrupted by the children. My husband was working (he is elbow deep in writing a book). So really, there was next to no excuse. Apart from ‘I’m tired’ and ‘I don’t really want to’ (read: I’m scared!). I’ll be able to fall back on that excuse for a good long while yet – until the children are…what…teenagers?!! – so…I’m going to need to face up to the page sooner or later, it might as well be tonight.
So when husband takes over at 6pm again this evening, I’ll stand up to my resistance and work on the next scene, armed with my newly delivered tubes of peach coloured paint.
Until next time folks,