I’ve been hiding.

I’ve just been reading a book in bed, supposedly trying to get to sleep early in case my two year old wakes at 4.20am again, like he did this morning.

Of course I’ve haven’t sensibly picked up a tome guaranteed to be snore-worthy (see my husband’s bedside reads) but instead something which is likely to set my pulse ablaze and have me leaping out of bed to grab my notebook.

Today, that book is ‘The Practice’ by Seth Godin, about shipping our creative work.

SG electrifies me into action straight from my reading seat whichever of his nineteen (19!!!) books I read. In this instance, it was straight from my bed that I leaped to grab my computer and start writing this.

Here’s the paragraph which spoke straight to me :

No Place to Hide
Hiding is pleasant.  If it weren’t for the way it leads to suffering a thousand small deaths, hiding would be a comfortable way to coast through life.
But if we trust ourselves and seek to make change happen, hiding can no longer be an option.

Seth is right.

I’ve been hiding.

I need to start to trust myself again.

From January to July, I had a consistent streak of showing up like a professional to my work: my art, my book, my writing and then the task of making it public. On April 28th, I published my first book, ‘Samuel and the Monster’. We made it through Lockdown One. We homeschooled. We did Joe Wicks every week. We, like everyone, had our ups and downs, but for the most part, we knew we were exceptionally lucky. We counted our blessings.

Then school broke for summer at the end of July, and I took what was only ever meant to be a month away from work to concentrate on family. It was then that I lost my rhythm, halted my long-running streak, and (felt like I) ground to a halt, creatively. There followed a month or so where I lost my confidence and then my mojo.

Of course, like everyone, there were a few things going on, not limited to but including a stint of horrifying sleep deprivation with aforementioned two year old and some fun little childcare hiccups.

But I will always have excuses.

The main thing is: I got scared.

For a while I was enjoying the break. When school started back, I thought I would be back at the page. But it didn’t quite work like that. For a while, I focussed on tending to a few areas that needed addressing outside of family and work, but after a few weeks of that, that initial month had turned into two, two into three,and before I knew it I did not know how to start again.

And Seth Godin’s only gone and called me out.

So here I am again, showing my ‘face’. This is me. Turning up.

I’ve been back working for a few weeks now – I’ve been flirting with some appearances on IG stories, but I’ve not really fully recommitted to my practice.

So, I’m outing myself. HELLO!!! As of now, I will start sharing my practice.

At the moment, this looks as follows:

• completing the artwork and writing for my second children’s book (illustrating in gouache) due to publish March 31st 2021.
• a daily sketchbook practice
• daily poetry (which, eep, I might share some of!)
• documenting the process (via this blog, instagram and my newsletter)

I would love it if you’d join me on this journey: the good, the bad and the ugly. Come and say hello and tell me what you’re up to – I’ll be here, crashing away loudly at my keypad (sorry husband!), figuring out daily how to overcome my blocks, get out of my own way whilst also being kind to myself as a wife/mum/stepmum/illustrator/friend, as slowly, slowly I start to build this vision that I have for my work.

And, so that I don’t always feel quite so alone in the process, I’m going to end with a little curious question to you:

What about you? What is it that you’re dying to put out there? To show, to sell, to make public?

I would love to hear!

Until next time, sparklebots,